Monday, December 6, 2010

Merry Father's Day

I was just an embryo when my father left.
I had a brain disease for a few weeks
from my mother’s heart bleeding once
she noticed all his clothes disappeared
like a ghost from their small closet.
I would have slapped him with my tail
if I wasn’t so comfortably warm in that
place I like to compare to heaven.
That was back then I was trapped in the womb
but now I’m out, healthy, living, and
continuing to grow without any of your love.
One day I picked up a gun,
contemplating shooting my brains out to the sun
because I was tired of having to point out
that you were never there to share
any of my childhood memories with me.
Tired of waking up in the middle of the night
without mom being sleep in her bed
because of her third job as a waitress
at a restaurant to try to keep the lights on.
Balancing stress, mom just couldn’t
teach me how to be a man.
It seems as if you forgot that physically
and emotionally, me and the woman you once loved
are completely different.
Though it was hard,
she tried her best to make me
understand the good and the bad
in both sexes.
I was saved by someone
even though I didn’t know
their name or where they
lived but all I knew was that they prayed.
No bullets in the gun
that I wanted to end my life.
Relief seeped through my skin
as I cried on my mother’s bosom.
I used to loathe not knowing
you as a man and as my father
because I ached for your love
but now I love you unconditionally for
whatever you were and were not
because it made me a better man
than mom could ever imagine.

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