Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Always & Forever

So you are dead now, and i didnt get to say goodbye. Because honestly you are never supposed to say goodbye, because realistically goodbye means you will not see that person again forever or for a good time. So see you later is the best thing in my opinion to say. But as I sit here still trying to grasp why you are dead, my friend, my baby, my boy, why you are dead and why you will never come to the Z again and make me smile with how you walk and how you will never make me mad with something that you say, I cant stop crying. Why cry when you two kind of got too busy to even hang out anymore? I cry because i know that even though i got to see you before you died, it wasnt enough for me. I wish i would have valued our friendship more, and spent more [valuable] time with you. Life is too short they say. True but if every moment is spent carefully and valuable and with the people or person you care for the most then the life that is short is worth it. I love you. I will always miss you. You are my angel. Forever my baby. Forever my great friend. I want to apologize for the rudeness and now that you are gone of course the apologies start to come. I pray that your mother heals from this pain that she is feeling right now, but she probably never will because her son is gone, but with prayer she will live with just like me and all the other peoples hearts that you have touched with your kindness. Did you ever imagine that I would be writing you a goodbye letter? I mean did you ever think you would die at the age of 19?I would have never guessed it. I honestly thought i would be screaming your name at graduation and at those football games ( By the way... we won our first game HOMECOMING '09 :]). But just because you are not physically on that football field doesnt mean you are there. I know you will be there mentally and spirtually and I'll scream your name out ever chance I get. I know i used to piss you off and I know that you used to like me alot but we were meant to be friends and my head is hurting thats how hard ive been crying. I miss you so much and its just been a day. Your teammate is in a comma, hopefully him and his dad fully recover. You have fully recovered because you are dead. Anything that has been stressin you out or frustrating you or makin you mad, doesnt matter anymore because you are no longer here on this earth but you always exist in heaven and in my heart. I know you were probably confused and probably wondered if i ever really cared about you and if you were truly my friend, well ill send you a picture of me crying my eyes out and while my eyes are puffy from all the snot and tears mixed together and that should explain that I cared alot about you.. I loved you and still do. If its ok, can i please use your death as a personal lesson to start treating my friends with more respect and to always check up and pay attention to my friends before its too late? I gonna miss your tight hugs, and that huge smile, and your slick mouth, and your huge personality.Hope to see you soon

-Love, Atarah.

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