Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Something didnt feel right

How have I been dealing with the break up? Ive been flooding myself with watching TV shows online. I figure if I dont keep myself busy I'll keep crying like somebody died and it's only a break up. So I've been watching girlfriends, the game, big love, and movies. I guess it helps. Once every episode is watched and thought about and every movie on my list is scratched off, the only way I stay away from the tears is going to sleep. The day of the break up and the day after it happened I cried my eyes and all the snot out of my nose. I dont think I can produce anymore tears that will be equivalent to my confused feelings about how someone that loves you gives up. But every time I think about what and how it happened, a stream forms at my bottom eye lid. All of these questions I've already asked him and he's already gave me answers to, I want a different answer. How is an hour too far to travel to see the person you love? So you basically didnt love me enough to want to travel and see me to make it work? I'm not rich at all. I dont have a car. I wonder how different the relationship would have been if I had a car or if I didnt go to college. It was so hopeful on new years eve and I believe that's why I'm so upset and disappointed. New Years Eve, meant a new year and finally this new year we were going to try everything to make it work. I feel like he exhausted the possibilities of it working because he had already gone and made up his mind without letting me suggest anything. I feel like he gave up on me... even though he said he didnt give up on me... he just gave up on the situation. But the way I'm feeling... I am  the equivalent to the situation. Me and the situation ( no Jersey Shore )  are same and he gave up on me. And the cherry on top is that he says he isnt coming back! But you know what, I cant help but listen to my gut feeling and my gut feeling  doesnt agree not one bit. I was thinking maybe my gut feeling doesnt agree because I dont want to face the truth but I just dont believe that and I believe he made a big mistake on a huge impulse. But I guess just because a person is the love of your life, you guys have to be together. As you can gather from these scattered thoughts, I'm still fresh and raw and confused but in due time I will have come up with a plan to living with the fact that he doesnt want to be with me for the simple fact that the distance from him and me from my school is an hour and he just doesnt want to drive, which means to me that he doesnt care about me.

1 comment:

  1. right now it feels like the pain will never go away but with time the wounds will heal. Everything happens for a reason and it might not be clear now but it will be in the future.

    A little hush friendly advice: Don't cry over someone who won't cry over you. get up, shower and put a pretty dress on and stop asking yourself why he doesn't want you. if he doesn't want you someone will. Go out with your friends and laugh even if you don't feel like it. Life goes on with or without you.
    God bless you